Hey I just thought I would write a little blog on a memory that happened two years ago this weekend. It was one of the worst Sabbath's of my life. It was two years ago today that we got the word that our friend Doug was had died in the mountains because of a car accident and hypothermia. It is one of those days that I move through in my memory as if the air was goo...a slow motion, painful dance of sharp colors, distorted sounds and sharp edges.
There was little time for denial just too many people needing our hands and our hearts. RA & Susan, Walter, and Mom...confusion with how to deal with this when you've never faced it before. Gut felt anger at phrases like "God has a reason" or "it was meant to be". It made me want to run away screaming with my ears covered...there is no reason and this was not meant to be. It made me want to turn around and pummel them all the while asking, "HOW can you say that?" What a cruel thing to say although said with all the best intentions in the world.
Snap shots of the fall colors, the crisp air, the phone calls, the heads bent in grief. People who part of them died the day Doug died. And a person who began their path to life that very same day(here's a link to his blog from this weekend also in memory of Doug our good friend Jared Walter Read his post if you want proof that God can change things). Who would have guessed that life would be begotten by death. A broken heart soothed, a hand of friendship taken...I don't believe God had a reason or that it was meant to be...No I do not believe that. But I DO believe that He will turn our pain into something good if we allow Him. I believe that God took the evil spirit of the day and turned our mourning (after a long while) into peace.
Today the Rutkowske's, Charles and I wore our shirts commemorating Doug. A lot of people at church and potluck asked and Terry shared a small part of the story and she shared one of the blessings of Doug's life; his joy of helping others through the local Search and Rescue. I cried in my heart many times today, my eyes brimmed with tears as did Terry's as she shared a little bit of her beloved brother's life with each person who cocked their head and asked, "What's with the shirts?"
Thank you, Doug, for teaching us the beauty of God's grace and the expansiveness of His love in the most unconventional of ways.
